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Grief Is Not Just About Losing A Lover
By Bests | February 29, 2008
When one speaks of grief we usually just assume they are talking about the loss of a loved one to death. But, did you ever stop to think that grief could be brought about because of the loss of a job, or a limb due to accident or a war event? Did you ever consider that losing a breast to cancer could evoke the same emotions as losing a baby or a spouse to divorce or death?
When you really consider these facts, can you recall the actions and manner in which a friend or relative (maybe even you) reacted at any of these losses?
Grief is not something to shrug your shoulders about… thinking, “Oh, we will all cry a bit and just move on.” That’s not the way it works folks.
Mr. Webster’s description of grief states: a deep and poignant distress caused by or as in bereavement, a cause of such suffering, an unfortunate outcome, mishap, misadventure, trouble, annoyance.
A synonym for grief is sorrow. Webster’s description of Sorrow goes on to explain there is deep distress, or regret, especially for the loss of someone or something loved, a cause of grief or unhappiness.
This being stated, it behooves us to think a little more with compassion not only when someone loses a loved one to death, but perhaps loses a job or the loss of a home or auto to bankruptcy. A ruptured, long-standing friendship can evoke feelings of grief. When a woman loses a breast to the ravages of cancer she too will go through the stages of grief.
When down-sizing in a company causes a loyal employee to be replaced or removed from their job, that too can feel like someone has jerked your roots from the ground and left you to hang out in the sun to dry up and shribble away.
AN EARLY EDUCATION
When I was nearing high school graduation I could barely contain myself, thinking of the freedom from books, tests, and the uncomfortable daily city bus ride, to and from school. I could sleep late and go to the beach, look for a job where I would be pulling in money to build up my clothing collection and just BE FREE!
Oddly, though, when the diploma was placed in my hands and as I walked across that stage, I felt sad. Why, I did not know right away, but I was just sad. The following days felt the same. I had no daily goal, no real responsibility. Sleeping late was not as fun as I thought and I continued to awaken at the usual time, but with no urgency to get moving in the morning. In my youth I did not understand those strange emotions, but as I matured, I realized that. Freedom was not all that great. Grief was there to rob it from me.
It may sound trivial, but years later, when I was informed by my dermatologist that a black mole must be removed from my chest area, I immediately said, “Do it!” I did not want to take any chances that it was cancerous, even though it had been there since I was a teenager. I’d always considered it as a “beauty spot,” but my health was more important to me.
It was diagnosed as not cancer, but strangely, I experienced a feeling of loss. I grieved that part of me that was gone. I was a angry that I had allowed the Doctor to remove a part of me that had come to be a part of who I was. Now I would never wear a low cut dress or bathing suit that I wouldn’t remember that beauty spot was gone forever. Silly? Not really. It was a significant loss to me as a person.
A job becomes a part of Who we are; losing it means we lose a large part of our self. Changes occur in finances, friends, goals, self-esteem and hope.
A lost limb not only changes our mobility, it also, means we have lost a vital part of who we were. Changes forced on us as a result of that loss causes us to deny this is a permanent situation. It makes us ask, “Why me?” It causes us to blame God or whomever we can point a finger to. It makes us very angry. We grieve.
True, physical death is a more powerful loss and will no doubt take a much longer time to overcome. But the same emotions will be experienced. Grieving a death is so overpowering that we can feel totally helpless, out of control.
All that being said, the point is that with the death of a job, a loss of home, limb, spouse or other loved one, all forms of loss have the same devastating results. Healing can only begin when one recognizes the similarities and the differences of the type of grief. One can choose to remain in the dark stages of those emotions or to move on by understanding that loss and death is a given for anyone who lives in this sphere of existence.
When we begin to look at loss of any kind, as a time to feel sorrow, we need to work through the grief and move on with life.
For more tips and tools to on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit http://www.butterflyintonewlife.com
Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 11 years.
Tags: anger 3, death 2, Grief 1, losing 5, loss 4, sorrow 6
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